Growing.

About 60% of the time, this is the only way Penelope will sleep. With her back arched and her head directly on my bladder (today I rolled her down to my legs). As bad as I feel when I wake up, I really hold onto these moments where she needs me. She wants to be near me. She still feels like my baby.

I feel like she's growing up and changing so fast my eyes can't keep up. With her clothes getting smaller and her personality getting bigger, it really makes me focus on how i'm changing during all of this. Where am I going and what are my goals? Sometimes it feels like I have all the choices in the world, and that's what kills me. Choices are not a good thing for me. I need to be told what to do or given two or three options. College? Hardest thing ever for me to finish because I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess up and go down the wrong path. I've been refinishing a lot of furniture lately, baking a lot, taking pictures of every moment of our lives, and writing nonstop. I love all of these things but focusing on one is so hard. I have learned that i'm not happy with a hobby unless it's hands on. Sweating and being sore because i've worked so hard at something makes me smile beyond belief. There is so many possibilities for me and our family, I hope we figure out the road that's right for us.