Yarn Along.

I'm joining up with Ginny's Yarn Along again. And yes...my honey cowl still looks the same as 2 weeks ago. I pushed this aside to finish Bruce's hat I had started and just picked up the cowl yesterday. Last year I promised Bruce a hat and it didn't get finished until the weather had already started warming up. When we saw there was snow in the forecast I made an effort to finish the hat right away. I know hat's are so simple, but I get bored with them quickly and drag it on. Anyways, it is done and I'm back to working on my cowl!

I just finished this book last night and I really enjoyed it. My birthday was Sunday, and my dad brought this over for me to read. The author, Quinn Cummings, was apparently a child actress but I never saw anything she was in. It's a library book, so I started reading right away and it only took me 3 days to finish. The author decides to try homeschooling her daughter and basically researches all different types of homeschoolers (unschoolers to hardcore fundamentalists, etc.) and goes to different conferences they hold, trying to find a tribe for her and her daughter. It was nice knowing I'm not the only person who is completely overwhelmed by all the different types of homeschoolers and that it's okay to not fit into one certain box. I love her sense of humor, and even if you're not into homeschooling, it was worth the read just for the laugh. 

The Year of Giving

Sometimes I check our bank account and think about how poor we are. And while it's slightly true, we live paycheck to paycheck and have to borrow money from savings to pay bills sometimes, we could be a lot more poor. We have a small amount of savings to fall back on when tough times hit. When Bruce's restaurant isn't busy and he isn't making enough. Despite money issues, we are extremely rich in the things we value- two healthy, thriving children, a solid relationship with each other, family who is supportive and there whenever we need them, and we make it work so I can stay home and raise our kids. I'm guilty of losing sight of those things and taking them for granted.

When the new year rolled around, I couldn't think of any goals I really wanted to accomplish this year and I felt a little empty. I was talking to Bruce a few weeks ago about not getting one of my closest friend's a gift for Christmas. I said something along the lines of "I was being sensible, right? I'm a giving person but I didn't want to spend money we didn't have". Then Bruce kindly reminded me that a giving person gives in spite of the fact they don't have anything. He didn't realize what he said at all, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. While we certainly didn't have the money, I could of easily given my friend something. I could of offered to watch her son while she spent time with her husband. I could of made her something. I can think of plenty of things now, but I simply chose not to do anything.

Growing up as an only child was hard because I never had to share. Not that my parent's spoiled me rotten, but there wasn't a brother or sister around that forced me into situations where I had to compromise. It feels extremely liberating to stop and think of others first, and think what would be best for everyone. It feels good to give things I have away to people who need them. It feels good to go out of my way to spend time helping somebody, no matter if it's 5 minutes or 5 hours. I'm excited about having something to focus on that isn't just me and my immediate world.

Yarn Along

This is my first time joining Ginny's yarn along. I'm hoping this will help me keep up with my current projects, seeing as it's taken me 4 weeks to almost complete Bruce's hat, and that's just ridiculous. It still isn't done because I ditched it for this project. I'm making myself something (!!!), a honey cowl. I've had this pattern bookmarked for awhile, but I've seen others making it lately and decided now is the time. It's cold out, I could really use it. I really love the pattern, it looks lovely but it isn't complicated at all. 

The book is Naomi Shihab Nye's Words Under the Words (yes, where I got my blog name). It's one of her books of poetry and I love it. I'm not reading it back to cover, I've done that plenty of times, but I like picking it up to read a few poems in the morning. It gets my brain working and inspires me.

flowers.

We went to the grocery store last week to pick up a few things and Penny stopped dead in her tracks when we walked past the floral department. It was strange, since she usually doesn't seem to care about anything except the big display with cookies and making sure she puts everything in the cart herself. Then she asked if we could buy a bunch of flowers and I certainly couldn't tell her no. She lost interest in them as soon as we got home, which was good since I was free to do whatever I wanted with them. Turns out, her flower purchase made my week. Especially in the spots where the clutter is taking over. All the pots and pans are dirty? I'll just stare at the flowers and keep on walking. Have to change a diaper in the middle of the night? The flowers were there to greet me. It was nice having a little reminder around to just smile and be happy. Some days, I need that.

We've been outside a lot this week thanks to the weather, and now that it's started raining and cooling off again we've moved back indoors. I have a hard time transitioning from outside to indoor time, is that just me? I don't have any problem running outside and spending hours out there, but as soon as that's cut off and we are forced to stay indoors, I draw a blank. We had to return some clothes to Target that Penny got for Christmas (yes, I just finished returning Christmas stuff. I hate doing it) and we found these pastels on clearance. Needless to say, we went home and I didn't have to think about what we were going to do at home. We drew for awhile, but later the pastels became 'friends' to her collection of beanie babies. There are still little marks on the floor where the pastels ran around and chased the animals. 

Oh and a rare shot of the little one sleeping. You can see how red his hair looks here. We still have no clue what color it really is, its a guessing game every day.

hank.

Hank, right out the womb.

Last picture of my pregnant self. I was swaying through a contraction here.

My midwife, Ruth, taking his measurements and weighing him.

A few days old.

Having a big sister means inherit lovely *girly* receiving blankets. 

Penelope is smitten with him.

A few minutes after the final push- not sure why his hand looks like he put it in ink? Weird.

Meeting her brother for the first time. All we did was say "would you like to meet your brother?" then she asked to hold him, gave him the softest kisses and gentlest hugs. Oh, my heart.

I guess I haven't talked much about our newest member of the family, and here he is, 3 months old on the 11th. This sweet guy was born on a beautiful rainy Sunday afternoon, at home, in our bed. His birth was incredible. It was much faster and more intense than his sister's birth. With Penelope, I was in labor for so long (days) that everything blurred together a bit. They were both beautiful births for me though, and it's really such a blessing to experience birthing my children in the ways I wanted.

He is the happiest yet most awake child I've ever met. He smiles a lot, especially at his dad and my mom. Good thing he is generally happy because he does not like naps or early nights. Other favorites: grabbing hair, eating his knuckles, being diaper-free, and nursing. 

We really love him and we've decided to keep him.

winter or spring?

The past few days have been warm around here. Warm as in, if we didn't have a fan in our bedroom to circulate air, I more than likely would of turned the air conditioner on last night. I cannot sleep in a puddle of my own sweat. I was still up at 1 last night and checked the weather, it was 70 degrees. Certainly not what January weather should be. One of the pros of this warm weather wave is Penelope is able to spend a lot more time outside. It's been harder this winter getting out as much, since we have a tiny one to look after who doesn't care for cold air whipping him in the face. I'm also coming out of 'I just had a baby' hibernation mode, transitioning from sitting around staring at his face all day to actually doing things out in the world.

The time between middle of January until the middle of March generally throws me off like this. Everything is dead, but when it warms up a little like yesterday, there are pops up green. It's nice to see but I know it's just a tease. The real green won't come back for months. Buds might pop up here and there, but nothing is really going to bloom. I spend this time of the year wishing it would either snow or hurry up and be spring. It's a terrible thing to wish away large chunks of time, but I get so antsy during the in between. I'm trying to combat it by staying busy this year and focus on the little things, like this girl and her (meme's) cat.

She loves torturing this cat. My mom has 3, but Leslie is the only one who comes around Penny for long periods of time. The other's can't handle her tough love. I wish Bruce and I weren't extremely allergic and we could get her a cat of her very own. For now, this one will do. 

letting go.

I knew having another child would bring it's own set of challenges. I knew that sleep would revolve around his schedule, most meals I would eat for the first couple months would be cold (and with one hand), my house would be messier, and that projects I've had planned in my head would have to take a back seat. I was okay with all of these things because I knew our home would be filled with more love than we thought possible.

I did not realize that this sweet boy of mine would sleep less than his 3 year old sister, would come out of the womb already teething, set his schedule of never going to bed before midnight, or need to be held, walked and bounced 75% of the time. The amount of time my arms are free is close to none. I pictured Penelope and I playing on the floor while Hank sat happily on his rug, but nope, that's not how it goes. At all.

Penelope and I did manage to steal a minute for ourselves last week. Hank actually slept, so we made banana bread and sat down to do our own activities. I started a new hat for Bruce and Penelope colored and traced things from her book. It was beautiful. I thought if these moments happened every now and then, I would be happy. Our moment was cut short when I went to the bathroom and checked on Hank in the other room. When I arrived back in the sunroom 2 and half minutes later, Penelope had joyfully informed me of how she 'cut the tail' for me. My mouth dropped to the floor when I realized she had pulled out my scissors, cut the working end of my yarn and pulled out quite a few rows of stitching. Those precious moments I had just had to myself, enjoying each stitch I had made, were gone. I tried to pick up all the dropped stitches but there was just too many. 

(the hat before it met it's demise)

Tears welled up in my eyes. I wasn't really going to cry over this, was I? But I did. Penny just smiled, patted my back and said "It's okay mommy, just be happy, ok?". I had to laugh a little, and told her I was just fine. But it hurt. It hurt letting go my expectations. I should have known! Babies change everything, I thought I had prepared myself for the worst. I guess not.

(I put him down for a moment just to get some pictures of them together. He cried as soon as he left my arms. Sorry for snapping away anyways, bud).

This week is a new week with it's own set of challenges and I'm just focusing on letting all of my expectations go. If I get to eat lunch today, I will be happy. If the pile of laundry on my dining room table gets even an inch shaved off of it, I will be happy. If I can read a single page of a book, I will be happy. If my mom comes over and comments on the state of my house, I will smile through the pain and anger, and know it's because I've been caring for my children. Penelope has been adapting well, realizing I might not be able to get on the floor and use both hands to zoom her train around, but I can nurse Hank and read her a book at the same time. I can take her outside and watch her run. If she can adjust, so can I.