Growing.

About 60% of the time, this is the only way Penelope will sleep. With her back arched and her head directly on my bladder (today I rolled her down to my legs). As bad as I feel when I wake up, I really hold onto these moments where she needs me. She wants to be near me. She still feels like my baby.

I feel like she's growing up and changing so fast my eyes can't keep up. With her clothes getting smaller and her personality getting bigger, it really makes me focus on how i'm changing during all of this. Where am I going and what are my goals? Sometimes it feels like I have all the choices in the world, and that's what kills me. Choices are not a good thing for me. I need to be told what to do or given two or three options. College? Hardest thing ever for me to finish because I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess up and go down the wrong path. I've been refinishing a lot of furniture lately, baking a lot, taking pictures of every moment of our lives, and writing nonstop. I love all of these things but focusing on one is so hard. I have learned that i'm not happy with a hobby unless it's hands on. Sweating and being sore because i've worked so hard at something makes me smile beyond belief. There is so many possibilities for me and our family, I hope we figure out the road that's right for us.

Summer.

Summer is here. School is over. This mama is beyond happy. I have a ton of free time and so many things to fill it with. So far, i've read an entire book in two days. TWO DAYS. I've become addicted to iced tea with lemon. I've watched my neighbor clean out her pool and drool over how good the water is going to feel when it's open and I can hop in (yes, we were invited over, i'm not going to invite myself!). With school going on, enjoying these little things was never possible. I can feel joy seeping back into my life. And I am loving it.

This little angel has been enjoying the extra time spent outdoors. Today I mowed the back yard while she played in her sandbox and daddy sat next to her. They both clapped & cheered as I zoomed by with the mower, letting me know that my hard work did not go unnoticed.  I have two of the best friends in the world.

It's a rainy day around these parts. I got the last of our seeds in the ground yesterday and I hope all this rain doesn't wash them out. Atleast the rain doesn't stop this little one from having a good time.

We spent most all day with my mom and it was wonderful. Our weekends have been interuptted and cut short, so i'm thankful she was able to take a day off work to spend with us. We went out to eat, bought Penelope her Easter dress, and to the bookstore. We always have a good time together. My mom gets my off sense of humor, hell I got it from her, and that keeps us close. I don't know what i'd do without her.

We're going to Arkansas on Saturday and i'm trying to make sure all the laundry is done and the house is clean before we leave. I hate coming home to a mess, or something I know I could of finished before. It's mostly my OCD. I've wanted to keep this blog up a little better, but if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen. When schools over i'll be posting more and keeping up with this better so Penelope can look back on it and look at adorable pictures of herself (and stories, she does the craziest things, I can't wait to remind her about them).

Friends.

Yesterday morning I was having a bit of a rough day. Just down in the dumps for not any real reason, so I called this girl and asked if she wanted to spend some time together. I am always thankful when I see her, she lifts my spirits and makes the rest of the world seem insignificant.

We've been friends since 9th grade but drifted apart when I became pregnant. She missed Penelope's baby shower, her birth, and our wedding, but honestly life was going too good for me to be angry at her for it. I knew she had problems with depression in high school and she would withdraw herself sometimes. She just met Penelope for the first time a couple weeks ago and once we started hanging out we fell back into place with one another. She's doing better than ever and now an extremely reliable friend. We just click, we always have. I am so thankful for Stef.

We hungout at her house last night and I am in love with it! It has so many windows and these beautiful ceilings. It's so old with all that charm. I wish she could stay in it and really fix it up, but the walls are literally falling off the foundation, so there is no point in putting money into fixing up the kitchen and big projects. Her house is full of family treasures and garage sale finds with her art work scattered about. It's basically how my house would look if Bruce didn't have a say in things. I adore it.

March.

It looks like Spring is creeping up on us. I'd like to say it's here, but in Oklahoma we're almost sure to get another big freeze before April. But right now, it's balmy, rainy, and the day's high is supposed to reach 60. It just feels like spring around here. We've been spending more days outside than inside, and I am so thankful for that.

Penelope will be 18 months old at the end of March, an entire year and a half old. She is learning so much on a day to day basis, it's amazing watching her turn into her own person. She knows where her belly is, her head, her feet, and her nose. She has started really trying to form words, which has given her some difficulty up to this point. I'm trying to work with her on learning signs hoping she will find an interest in them and catch on. It's the greatest gift watching her grow.

Penelope's first ice cream.

Today was wonderful, especially for our little lady. We kicked the day off by visiting my friend Danielle at her work, to be treated to a free meal. We had fried mushrooms, big salads, and a 'Betty White' pizza. Penny was a hit with all of her co-workers and stayed pleasant the whole time. It was nice to catch up and enjoy a free meal.

Next, Bruce and Penelope napped, then we were off to the doctor's office. She gained over 2 pounds, bringing her to a whopping 19 lb 12 ozs. She was about 29 inches, but it was hard to tell since she wouldn't lay down. When her shot came around, all hell broke loose. She did not want to lay down, and as soon as the nurse stuck the needle in, she screamed bloody murder. I felt horrible, and it took her a little longer to get over it than normal. Bruce and I instantly knew she deserved something to make up for the pain. I thought of this cute little ice cream shop in Utica Square, called Nantucket Creamery, and we headed that way. Our lady got a scoop of vanilla with strawberries mixed in, and she was the happiest little girl.

We came home and played in the yard for awhile, since the weather was so beautiful. The mailman was kind enough to bring Bruce a check from an amendent tax return in 2008 for almost 300 dollars, and our check from the insurance company for my camera. We managed to make nearly 800 dollars today without stepping a foot in work!

New Years

2011 is finally here. 2010 brought some wonderful things. In 2010, we got married, moved into a much nicer house, watched our daughter turn one, watched her learn how to crawl, walk, eat, talk, and grew with each other. I couldn't have asked for anything more. Now, I am ready for a new year, with new goals and a fresh start. We kicked the New Year off by lounging around the house, watching football, and cooking. Our favorite things in the Alexander household.

Dad sat around in his snuggie, and Penelope rocked her jammies well into the afternoon. We each stole some quality time with her, and she showered us with kisses and blows to the face (love blows!).

I didn't make a list of resolutions, but I have goals for this year I would like to keep up with:

1. Finish my Associates degree of English. This shouldn't be hard, seeing as I only have one more semester. I have to make sure I work hard and pass with good grades. I would like to figure out what to do about my education after I complete this, but I don't want to put too much stress on myself.

2. Eat less sugar. I need to accomplish this goal. I feel sluggish and have a horrible relationship with sugar. I am not going to cut it out completely, because that's impossible for me, but greatly reduce my intake.

3. Focus on my other major relationship: my marriage. Bruce and I have always had a good relationship, and we spend a lot of time together but 99% of the time it's also shared with Penelope. Atleast once a month, i'd like to take him out to eat or to play pool. I know we really need that quality time together, and I find myself longing for it now that Penelope has become more independent.

4. Stop ignoring myself. I have a huge creative side and a few needs that I have put off since becoming a mother. I am okay with the fact I set myself aside for the past year, but it would benefit everyone if I felt a little more fufilled in live. I am just going to focus on the little things, like finishing projects I start and writing more often. Oh, and find more time to shower. That will be an ongoing goal.

So here's to 2011, I am going into this year with my head up and my heart open.